Counseling Resources

Books, articles, audio, movies, and other resources that are helpful in dealing with the topics below can be found here. As additional counseling resources become available, they will be added here.

Abuse

  • Changes that Heal, Henry Cloud
    This is a helpful overview of the impact of abuse on emotional maturity. There is also an accompanying workbook. Note: this tends to overemphasize self-protection over developing a positive love life style.
  • Destructive Relationships: A Guide to Changing the Unhealthy Relationships in Your Life, Jill Murray
    This is pitched more toward women in destructive relationships.
  • The Body Keeps the Score, VanderKolk
    This is a look at the neuroanatomical & physiological outcomes of abuse and their impact on future behavior. The author is pragmatic and some of the treatments lack an explanatory underpinning.
  • See Sexual Abuse under 'Sexuality'

Addiction

  • General
    • Addictions: A banquet in the grave, Ed Welch
      Like Crabb, Welch has many good insights and too many words but if you can separate the fish from the bones you will find it useful. Some readers have found his perspective too judgmental others have not.
    • Addictive Behavior, Edward T. Welch and Gary Shogrem
      The authors examine addiction as a spiritual, rather than a psychological, issue. There may be genetic factors and contributing causes in the past, say the authors, but the most helpful way to overcome addiction is by approaching it as one would a sin.
    • Controlling your drinking, Miller & Muñoz
      These professors of clinical psychology provide a research based approach to drinking that will help the reader either moderate drinking or give it up all together. This is secular and practical. Miller is the originator of a widely used approach in substance abuse – motivational interviewing.
    • Alcoholism and Codependency, A. De Jong
    • The Selfish Brain: Learning from Addiction, Robert DuPont
      This book takes a look at the easy path to drug addiction and the tough road to recovery. Written in an easy-to-understand style, the book can help people confront addiction in their lives by exploring the biological roots of addiction.
    • Dying for a Drink, Spickard, A. & Thompson, B.R
      Perhaps more chilling even than the cold facts and figures are the personal confessions gathered from Dr. Wechsler's survey and Wuethrich's independent interviews. A frat brother who regularly drinks until he blacks out recounts how, if not why, he does it; a non-binge drinker tells about the secondhand effects of alcohol that he's suffered at the hands of inebriated roommates; and on- and off-campus partygoers describe the sometimes dangerous conditions encountered in college environments where heavy drinking is encouraged, especially at fraternity houses, sporting events, and university bars. But Dying to Drink doesn't just aim to scare--the authors care about solving the problem.
    • God is for the Alcoholic, Jerry G. Dunn and Bernard Alvin Palmer
      This is a book written by someone who, through God's power, escaped the pit of alcoholism. Jerry Dunn helps you understand alcoholism, gives ways to help the alcoholic, and shows the alcoholic how he can help himself.
    • Good News for the Chemically Dependent and Those Who Love Them, Jeff Vanvonderan
      “This excellent book offers hope to millions of people caught in the vortex of addiction to alcohol or some other form of prescription or non-prescription drugs. It provides steps that must be taken to overcome dependency, why total family wellness is essential to long-range recovery and what friends, loved ones and the church should do to help the dependent person.”
    • Healing Life’s Hidden Addictions, Dr. Archibald Hart
      Hart covers problems like self-hatred, worry, entertainment, food, sex, shopping, codependency, control, exercise, work, and other addictions. Some readers find him a little too harsh.
    • I’ll Quit Tomorrow, Vernon E. Johnson
      “In I'll Quit Tomorrow author Vernon Johnson, founder of the Johnson Institute, a training center for treatment providers, outlines a plan of intervention aimed at blocking the progress of alcoholism by restoring the ego strength of the victim.”
    • Under the Influence, James R. Milan & Katherine Ketcham
      “Ten of millions Americans suffer from alcoholism, yet most people still wrongly believe that alcoholism is a psychological or moral problem, and that it can be cured by psychotherapy or sheer will power. Based on groundbreaking scientific research, Under The Influence examines the physical factors that set alcoholics and non-alcoholics apart, and suggests a bold, stigma-free way of understanding and treating the alcoholic.”
  • Web Resources
  • Study Center Resources
    • The Next Life & Its Implications for this Life #4, Gary DeLashmutt with testimony by Joey Mullen (t07523)
    • Communication Keys, Norman Wright
    • Drugs & Drug Abuse, Ralph Ankenman (t00606-t00608)
    • John 12: Brokenness, James Brown (t07862)
    • Social Issues-A Spiritual Perspective III: The Family, Dennis McCallum (t05021)
  • Movies
    • 28 Days, Sandra Bullock (2000)
    • Clean and Sober, Michael Keaton (1988)
    • Days of Wine & Roses, Jack Lemmon (1962)
    • When a Man Loves a Woman, Andy Garcia, Meg Ryan (1994)
  • Support groups
    • Hope Ministry (alcohol and drug addiction; a ministry of XCF)
      Hope ministry is a Christ-centered recovery group whose goal is to reach persons who struggle with alcohol and / or drug addiction. We believe that healing from addiction comes from having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ that is lived out in a vibrant community of Christians who care about one another and keep one another accountable. While many of the Hope Ministry members are, or have been, involved in 12-step recovery, Hope is not a 12-step meeting. Instead we focus on the truth that God who created us says is true about us. We believe that our identity, far from centered on the addiction that has controlled our life, is centered on the new identity that God gives us when we meet Him personally through His Son Jesus Christ. For more information, call Rob Nugen 614-823-6510, ext. 1722
    • Never Alone (substance abuse recovery; a ministry of XCF)
      This ministry is to help substance abusers discover and experience the hope for change that God offers. Our mission is to help people gain a biblical footing for recovery through Bible study, prayer, sharing experiences, and building relationships with people who can help through the change. We also want to help people find long term success through spiritual growth and loving others. For information, please call (614) 823-6510 x 1723
    • Alcoholics Anonymous
    • Al-Anon 
      Support for partners & families of the addicted

Anger

  • The Anger Trap, Les Carter
    Dr. Les Carter is a nationally recognized expert on the topics of conflict resolution, emotions, and spirituality, and coauthor of the bestselling The Anger Workbook. This practical book shows how to understand and overcome unhealthy anger.
  • Feeling Good Handbook, chapters 18-22, David Burns, M.D
    Filled with charts, quizzes, weekly self-assessment tests, and a daily mood log, The Feeling Good Handbook actively engages its readers in their own growth.
  • Make Anger Your Ally, Neil Warren
    Warren writes about how to make anger work FOR rather than AGAINST you by transforming the anger energy into a dynamic force for positive living. This book provides a practical and biblical "training manual" on how to successfully make anger your ally.
  • Overcoming Hurts & Anger, Dwight Carlson
    Christian book. People have often been told to deny or suppress the dark and undesirable side of their personalities. The result says psychiatrist Dwight L. Carlson, is the ‘emotionally crippled’ personality that is the most vulnerable of all. In this enlightening book, Dr. Carlson shows us how to confront our feelings and negative emotions in order to experience liberation and fulfillment. He presents seven practical steps to help us identify and cope with hurt and anger.
  • Anger is a Choice, Phillips & LaHaye
    This book describes how to keep anger under instead of in control. There is an "Anger Inventory" and other exercises that offer help.
  • Hidden Rift with God, William Backus
    Unbalanced emotions, improper reactions, and inappropriate behaviors are only symptoms of rifts with God. Rather than accepting God's view of what is good for them, people disagree and drive themselves away from His love and care.

Anxiety

  • Running Scared, Ed Welch
  • The Anxiety Cure, Archibald Hart
  • Knowing God's Will, Blane Smith
    Making major decisions, which regularly induce anxiety (fear, doubt...), in areas such as marriage, school, career and etc.
  • Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers, Robert M. Sapolsky
    A secular discussion of the impact of fear on the immune system.
  • The Anxiety Cure: An Eight-Step Program for Getting Well, DuPont, et. al.
  • Calm my anxious heart, Linda Dillow

Communication

  • The Relationship Cure, Gottman
    Secular; Well researched; Practical and very, very helpful.
  • Couple Communication I: Talking Together, Miller, Nunnally, Wackman & Miller
    This is a revolutionary way to communicate within marriage, or any relationship.
  • The Constructive Use of Feelings, Dr. John Wallen
  • Communication: Key to Your Marriage, H. Norman Wright
    This updated and revised book is packed with practical advice for reducing marital conflict, managing anger, building your partner's self-esteem, and more. Ideal for engaged and married couples, as well as pastors and counselors.

Conflict

  • Peacemaker, Ken Sande
    Christian book. It's as certain as death and taxes: whenever groups of people gather, conflict is sure to follow. But if you can't hope for a church that's conflict-free, you can teach your congregation to resolve disagreements in a way that glorifies God! Learn time-tested principles that can transform bitter oppositions into valuable opportunities for growth.
  • Difficult Conversations, Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen
    Based on fifteen years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project, Difficult Conversations walks you through a step-by-step proven approach to having your toughest conversations with less stress and more success.
  • Change your questions, change your life, Marilee Adams
    This is a useful tool for helping people be more effective relationally with others but also with themselves.
  • Peacemaking for Families, Sandy, Raabe
    Basic conflict-resolution skills found in Scripture can help you change your home from a battle zone to a love nest. Distinguishing between positive and negative conflict resolution, Peacemaking for Families introduces the reader to valuable principles such as "The Peacemaker's Pledge," the "Seven A's of Forgiveness," and the "PAUSE Principle of Negotiation." Real-life stories and case studies help the reader to acquire the skills needed to create a true "peacemaking family.
  • A Fight to a Better End, Jones and Jones
  • Creative Conflict, Bossart

Counseling

  • Seeing with New Eyes, David Powlison
    The first of two books outlining the author’s perspective on Christian counseling. Powlison is the current director of Christian Counseling & Education Foundation (CCEF).
    The organization’s website has many useful resources.
  • Speaking the Truth in Love, David Powlison
    The second of two books outlining the author’s perspective on Christian counseling.
  • Effective Biblical Counseling, Larry Crabb
    Crabb thinks through a model of counseling that can be integrated into the functioning of the local church, enabling caring Christians to become capable counselors. In his view, any approach to counseling that is truly biblical will work most effectively when carried out in the context of a local body of believers.
  • The Feeling Good Handbook, Burns
    The use of cognitive behavioral therapy in everyday life.
  • Bold Love, Dan Allendar
    Bold Love introduces a creative way of relating – one that has the capacity to make a significant, life-changing impact on all those you come in contact with, whether they are family, friends, coworkers, or even enemies.” Allendar talks a lot about forgiving. He teaches how to love the evil person, the foolish person, and the normal sinner. He talks about discipline, grace, and the ways to confront sin. In the epilogue he explains how he practiced bold love with his dying father.”
  • Boundaries, Cloud & Townsend
    Describes how to set boundaries and how boundaries can be broken. Authors talk about how to deal with abusive or controlling people.
    The Cloud & Townsend books tend to focus more on self-protection than self-giving love. Emotional health depends on developing a life-style of biblical love. Some, by virtue of their past, may not have a good understanding of biblical love but self-protection is not the end of maturity.
  • Psychology as Religion, Paul Vitz
    This is a penetrating critique of self-worship pervading modern secular psychology. Vitz maintains that secular psychology has become part of the problem of modern life rather than part of its resolution.
  • Overcoming Hurts & Anger, Dwight Carlson
    Christian book. People have often been told to deny or suppress the dark and undesirable side of their personalities. The result says psychiatrist Dwight L. Carlson, is the ‘emotionally crippled’ personality that is the most vulnerable of all. In this enlightening book, Dr. Carlson shows us how to confront our feelings and negative emotions in order to experience liberation and fulfillment. He presents seven practical steps to help us identify and cope with hurt and anger.
  • Your parents and you, Robert S. McGee and Pat Springle
    Useful for understanding developmental contributions and how they contribute to our view of God, ourselves & others.
  • Managing Transitions, William Bridges
    Written for the corporate world, Bridges talks about what is going on inside the people who have to make change work; and what can be done to keep it from disrupting others.
  • Personality Plus, Florence Littauer
    A revealing "personality profile" self-test and Littauer's insightful advice help readers better understand themselves and others.
  • Putting Past Behind, Les Carter
    This book outlines biblical solutions to unmet needs.
  • Basic Principles of Biblical Counseling, Larry Crabb
    With compassion and urgency, this book makes a plea for pastors to return to the biblical model of equipping their people to minister to each other by using their spiritual gifts. It looks toward a method of counseling which neither overlooks sin nor is reduced to a simplistic model of confrontation and exhortation.
  • How People Change, Tim Lane & Paul Tripp
    Using the picture of a garden, the authors describe how the big picture of spiritual growth happens as we know the Word, see the value of suffering, the power of acceptance and the warmth of forgiveness. The Path of Growth covers many of the same elements as tending a garden that produces good fruit.
  • Make Peace with Your Past, H. Norman Wright
    Wright talks about how to let go of excess baggage from childhood. Talks about how to overcome insecurity, loneliness, fear, depression, and other emotional problems.
  • Temperament & The Christian Faith, O.Hallesby
    Explains the origin of the temperaments as well as biblical, helpful descriptions of Choleric, Phlegmatic, Melancholy and Sanguine temperaments.
  • Brain science and counseling
    • Blame it on the Brain, Ed Welch
      Christian book on ADD. Viewing brain problems through the lens of Scripture, Welch distinguishes genuine brain disorders from problems rooted in the heart. Understanding that distinction will enable pastors, counselors, families, and friends to help others- or themselves- deal with personal struggles and responsibilities. While focusing on a few common disorders, Dr. Welch lays out a series of practical steps adaptable to a wide range of conditions, habits, or addictions.
    • Windows in the ADD Mind, Daniel Amen
      Book on understanding and treating attention deficit disorders in the everyday lives of children, adolescents and adults.

Dating/Single

  • Spiritual Relationships that Last, McCallum & Delashmutt
  • Boundaries in Dating, Cloud & Townsend
    Organized by principles such as honesty, freedom, and respect; focuses on self-control and intimacy in healthy dating relationships.
  • How To Get A Date Worth Keeping: Be Dating In Six Months Or Your Money Back, Henry Cloud
    There are some good ideas here. The advocacy of lots of dating may be unnecessary and overly self-attentive in a rich and single dense community like we have at XCF. The author also seems loose on dating non-Christians.
  • Too Close Too Soon, Jim Talley & Bobbie Reed
    There is an accompanying workbook
  • Your Single Treasure, Rick Stedman
    This book presents an honest, forthright, biblical approach that gives encouragement and hope for the struggling single.”

Depression

  • Depression: Looking up from stubborn darkness, Ed Welch
  • Happiness is a Choice, Frank Minirth, Paul Meier, Brian Newman
    Christian Book. Depression is always curable! Clinical depression has many symptoms: headaches, fatigue, anxiety, hopelessness and more. Learn to identify the emotional and spiritual causes, and the steps to conquering the problem.
  • Spiritual Depression, D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones
    Christian book. Discusses how a Christian can effectively combat depression without getting bogged down with guilt. Believing that Christian joy was one of the most potent factors in the spread of Christianity in the early centuries, Lloyd-Jones reveals the causes that have robbed you of your spiritual vitality and shows you how to find complete joy through the mind and spirit of Christ. This book is more individualistic, that is, it’s not rooted in a vital Christian community.
  • Spurgeon’s Sorrows, Zack Eswine
    A helpful look at Spurgeon’s difficulties and his capacity to persist through hardship.

Disabilities

  • Hope for the violently aggressive child, Dr. Ralph Ankenmen
  • Dr. Michael Saribalas, M.D. Psychiatrist, 4030 Easton Station, Columbus, OH 43219, 614-532-5232
    Helpful for children with disabilities, especially ADD/ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, Depressive Disorder, Insomnia, Sleep disorders & Schizophrenia

Doubt

  • A Praying Life: Connecting With God In A Distracting World, Paul E. Miller
    Read his three chapters on cynicism.
  • Seeing Through Cynicism: A Reconsideration of the Power of Suspicion, Dick Keyes
  • Doubt, Os Guinness
  • God in the Dark, Os Guinness
    Deals with doubts. To really trust God ‘beyond a shadow of a doubt,’ it helps if you first understand the nature of doubt itself. In this encouraging book, Dr. Guinness puts a face on doubt and examines it from every angle to expose its dangers---and its value---and help you through those dark times when your faith is challenged.

Friendships

  • Difficult Conversations, Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheela Heen
    A secular title geared toward guiding you through difficult conversations in both professional and personal settings. The book is divided into sections on sorting out facts and each party's responsibility, discussing each party's feelings, and identifying ways each party's sense of identity is on the line in the situation.
  • Encouragement, Larry Crabb and Dan Allender
    Encouragement is more than saying nice things - it's connecting with others in a way that builds everyone up. The basic premise of this book is that our relationships suffer from lack of an outward focus because we're all afraid our needs won't be met. As we learn to trust God to meet our deeper needs, we will be more available in our relationships.
  • How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie
    The motivations/tone are definitely worldly, but the suggestions are what we teach all the time: listen, ask good questions, try to take a genuine interest in other people's lives.  This is a good book for anyone, but it is especially helpful for people who are just learning how to build social skills because it is so practical.
  • Loving God's Way, Gary DeLashmutt
  • Reclaiming Friendship, Ajith Fernando
  • The Relationship Cure, John Gottman
    This is a secular book with very practical advice about the influence of small interactions and what Gottman calls "bids" for connection on our relationships.
  • Speaking the Truth in Love, David Powlison
  • Spiritual Relationships that Last, Gary DeLashmutt, Dennis McCallum

Grief, Hardship, Suffering

  • Constructive Suffering (workbook), Amy Moreno & Lee Campbell
    This is not a book for someone in the acute stages of suffering but it is helpful for those who are supporting the suffering; for those who are far enough through their own suffering that they can concentrate and for everyone before they experience hardship and loss.
    This workbook is based on a course by the same name taught by the authors at XCF and will be available later in 2016.
  • Walking with God through Pain and Suffering, Tim Keller
  • The Call to Joy and Pain, Ajith Fernando
  • Shattered Dreams, Larry Crabb
  • Good Grief, Granger Westberg
    A very helpful book to give to someone who is going through grief. The author talks through ten different aspects of grief.
  • Hope when You’re Hurting, Larry Crabb and Dan Allender
    Drs. Larry Crabb and Dan Allender answer four key questions hurting people ask with insights into the pros and cons of different counseling models and into the church's untapped potential as a healing agent.
  • Heaven, Better by Far, J. Oswald Sanders
  • Affliction, Edith Schaeffer
    While not a great writer, Edith has some real gems to share.
  • Suffering and the heart of God: how trauma destroys and Christ restores, Diane Langberg
    An excellent for everyone to read but especially counselors or anyone who wants to help those who have experienced trauma, especially at the hands of those they should be able to trust.
  • Coming Back, Anne Kaiser Stearns
    Secular; practical
  • Disappointment with God, Yancey
  • Don’t Waste Your Cancer, John Piper & David Powlison
    You can download a free PDF file at Desiring God.
  • My Companion through Grief, Gary Kinnaman
  • How Long Oh Lord, D. A. Carson
    This is a thorough theology of suffering by a leading evangelical scholar.
  • When Life Isn’t Fair, Dwight Carlson, M.D. and Susan Carlson Wood
    This book can help you to face the future whether it should involve pain, suffering, and misfortune or not.
  • Another Valley, Another Victory, Another Love, Valetta Steel Crumley
    Valetta lost three children, a husband, then on the mission field was raped. Through it all, her faith was sustained by her love for God and her ability to forgive.
  • Death and the Life After, Billy Graham
    Revealing how to prepare for one's Final Journey in accordance with God's teaching, Dr. Graham offers comforting, Bible-based wisdom for all who wish to gain true biblical understanding of death and the life after.
  • Grace for Grief, Michael and Brenda Pink
    More than a collection of mere platitudes, this timeless volume gently guides the reader on a day-by-day journey toward healing and solace.
  • Heaven, My Father’s House, Anne Graham Lotz
    Combining the apostle John's glorious description of Heaven from Revelation with heart-touching reflections on her own father's charming mountain home, the author weaves a tapestry of truth through this presentation that will take away the fear of death and fill readers with hope for the future.
  • How Can I Live With My Loss?, Tim Jackson
  • How to Recover from Grief, Richard Lewis Detrich, Nicola Steele
    If you have lost a loved one, know of a friend who is grieving, or are a pastor, counselor, or church leader, this book is for you. It will provide you with tools for understanding what is happening and will help you to combat the fear and confusion that often accompany grieving.
  • In Light of Eternity, Randy Alcorn
    The deepest longing of your heart is for one person and one place. Jesus is that person. Heaven is that place. A thousand counterfeits vie for your attention, trying to convince you that they are what you're looking for. But you'll never find true satisfaction with what the Shadowlands of this world have to offer. What you really crave can only be found in the land of substance: heaven. In Light of Eternity will grip your soul and open your eyes to the realities of heaven.
  • Bereavement
    • A Grace Disguised, Jerry Sittser
      "It's a word that many of us fear and few of us can evade. It stalked Jerry Sittser one night and struck with full fury on a lonely road in Idaho. In an instant, a tragic accident claimed his mother, his wife, and his young daughter. But this is not a book about one man's sorrow. Rather, it is a moving meditation on the losses we all suffer and the grace that can transform us.”
    • A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis
      While not the best option for the recently bereaved, it is full of insight and comfort.
    • The Bereaved Parent, Harriet Sarnoff Schiff
      A minor classic in the literature of grief, used by many self-help groups and professionals. Practical without being artificial, this is a helpful handbook even many years after the loss.
    • Life After the Death of my Son. What I'm Learning, Dennis L Apple.
      The author’s son died unexpectedly. This is a realistic & practical description from a Christian perspective.
    • When Your Soul Aches, Lois Mowday Rabey
      Help and hope for a widow's heart. In the weeks and months following the loss of her husband, a widow may be numb with shock--or feel overwhelmed by a wide range of heartrending, and at times conflicting, emotions. Regardless of her response, she needs to know that she can and will make it through this difficult time. And she needs to know that--no matter how it feels--she is not alone.
    • Lament for a Son, Nicholas Wolterstorff.
      This is a small book but very, very good for someone who has lost a child in any way (this author lost his son in a mountain climbing accident - not to suicide). It is Christian based. If I remember correctly the author is a Pastor and the book is actually three separate sermons he did after his son's death.
    • To Fly Again, Gracia Burnham
      Gracia Burnham's husband died in the Philippines after being held captive for a year. She writes her reflections during that year on yielding control and finding hope when life throws a person in a tailspin.
    • Living Through Mourning, Harriet Sarnoff Schiff
      With tenderness and wisdom, Harriet Sarnoff Schiff writes about the feelings of isolation, fear, anger, and loss that are common to friends and relatives when a loved one dies.
  • Bereavement support services
    • GriefShare (a ministry of XCF) This is a seminar and support group for people grieving the loss of a loved one. It features biblical perspectives on grief and recovery topics. The topics covered during those 10 sessions are grouped into three categories: Comfort (Sessions 1-4), Answers (Sessions 5-7), and Hope (Sessions 8-10). While it’s ideal for group members to attend all 10 sessions, each weekly session is designed to be “open,” meaning a person can begin attending at any time. Members will find comfort, answers, and hope in every session! Find more information on the Griefshare flier or email John Montgomery at jrm2917@gmail.com or Randy Jones at wjones5@insight.rr.com
    • HEART (a ministry of XCF) Mothers and fathers who chose abortion need help to resolve the shame and guilt. It is the privilege of the community of believers to serve them in love and to help reconcile them to God and others. Contact Barb Hulett (614) 823-6510 x 1727
  • Bereavement through suicide
    • Grieving a Suicide - A Loved One's Search for Comfort, Answers and Hope, Albert Y Hsu.
      The author is a Christian & writes about his journey after his Dad's suicide. This has a heavier focus on scripture than the other books listed here. So, it might not be a book to consider if the loss is recent.
    • Finding Your Way after the Suicide of Someone You Love, David B Bielbel and Suzanne L Foster.
      This is a helpful book for those recently bereaved in this manner. It will help survivors know what to expect, especially during the first year following a suicide. It includes personal stories of survivors.
    • Aftershock - Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide, David Cox and Candy Arrington
    • Goodbye Jeanine, Joyce Sackett
      This book... "was raw and hopeful for me. I wasn't able to concentrate for long and this book was just snippits of the Mom's journaling so I could read it in small nuggets. Warning: this book includes a heartwrenching detailed account of Mom & Dad trying to revive their daughter.”

Listening

Marriage

  • General
    • The Meaning of Marriage, Tim & Kathy Keller
    • What Did You Expect, Paul Tripp
    • Marriage Builder, Larry Crab
      Crabb discusses why it is important to have unity in marriage and that expectations, manipulation and demands destroys “oneness.” He talks about how confidence in God’s Grace, Commitment, and Acceptance are the building blocks of marriage.
    • How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong, Leslie Vernick
    • When Sinners Say, “I Do”, Dave Harvey
      This is a very honest look at marriage between two fallen people and the critical importance of having a grace centered perspective.
    • Towards a Growing Marriage, Gary Chapman
      Section One discusses the pitfalls of dating, the goal of marriage, and choosing a mate. Section two talks about different relational and spiritual attitudes in marriage. The book discusses expectations, communication, roles, self-righteousness, sex, in-laws and finances.” Very practical.
    • Intimate Allies, Dan Allender and Tremper Longman
      This well-crafted book honestly probes the state of marriage today. Through case studies and examination of God’s Word, the authors seek answers to questions about roles within marriage, intimacy of body and soul, working together, and more.
    • First Years of Forever, Ed Wheat
      This book offers crucial counsel—rarely found elsewhere—on the essentials of love, sex, communication, and conflict resolution.
    • Marriage Masterpiece, Al Janssen
      This book discusses the role of marriage and its lifetime commitment in a culture where divorce is common. Focus on the Family's marriage book of the year looks at God's intent for marriage, offers scriptural answers as to why it's still relevant, and relates it to couples today.”
    • Questions Couples Ask, Parrott & Parrot
      This book covers a range of topics including communication, conflict, intimacy, in-laws, sex, careers, emotions, and many others.
  • Communication
    • The Relationship Cure, John Gottman
      A very helpful book on communication
    • Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
      A useful perspective on how to communicate love in a way that fits the person you are trying to love. One caveat: some readers may tend to treat these ideas as a sort of transaction, “I will communicate love in your love language but that means you must do the same back to me.” This approach will fail.
    • Love-life for Every Married Couple, Ed Wheat
      This book reveals the secrets to a thrilling lifetime love relationship based on the “BEST” principle—Blessing, Edifying, Sharing, and Touching. You’ll discover easy, practical directions for creating a nurturing emotional relationship, satisfying sexual intimacy, and spiritual unity. You’ll learn how to rekindle your love when the flames have cooled and discover ways to make a good marriage even better.”
  • Difficulties in and challenges to marriages
    • The Emotionally Destructive Marriage, Leslie Vernick
    • The Snare: Understanding Emotional and Sexual Entanglments, Lois Mowday Rabey
      Most affairs don’t just happen, they begin with a period of uncoupling from your spouse followed by emotional entanglements with someone else. A secular companion book might be Uncoupling by Diane Vaughan.
    • Uncoupling, Diane Vaughan
      Vaughan's examination of the breakup of relationships from a sociological and psychological perspective identifies the key steps in uncoupling from both partners' points of view. This schema is supported by 103 in-depth interviews and solid documentation from the professional literature. This work is also helpful to those in the early stages of uncoupling to identify what is happening, enabling them to take the steps necessary to avoid the ultimate breakdown.” The emotional entanglement that, The Snare addresses generally happens after the uncoupling that Vaughan speaks to.
    • When Two Walk Together, Richard & Mary Strauss
      This is a book about a couple that almost gave up on their marriage. As one of them changed, the other considered their part in the unhappiness. The book ends with a chapter written by their four sons as they observed their parents’ struggle. A good book if only one of a couple wants to work on the marriage.
    • Your Marriage and the Internet, Thomas Whiteman, Ph.D. and Randy Petersen
      This book talks about how a marriage can be torn apart by porn and how some men succumb to the ease and privacy of internet porn. Women neglect their families by “socializing” in chat rooms. Hours drift away surfing for information, research, or for hobbies.
    • Unclaimed Baggage, Don Frank & Jan Frank
      Unclaimed Baggage gives you a unique look at how our family and relationship history shapes marriage, and provides solid advice for dealing with the past with specific strategies for creating a strong, loving marriage that will last.
    • Secret Choices, Ed Wheat
      This book powerfully demonstrates how unconscious choices and attitudes affect your love life. You’ll learn to understand your feelings of love, learn principles of faithfulness and forgiveness discover the secrets of sexual fulfillment, and recognize the earliest signs of trouble.”
    • Love Busters, Willard Harley, Jr.
      This book tells how angry outbursts, disrespectful judgments, annoying behavior, selfish demands, and dishonesty can cause harm in romantic relationships. There are also chapters on resolving conflict over friends and relatives, career choices, financial planning, children, and sex.”
  • Men in marriage
    • The Silence of Adam, Larry Crabb
      Many of Crabb’s books have great insights which are reiterated and reiterated again. The insight here is important but based on a questionable interpretation of the Genesis account of the fall of mankind – that Adam was present and silent when Eve was being tempted.
    • Men & Women: Enjoying the Difference, Larry Crabb
      Men and women share a deadly problem that kills good relating. The problem is this: we are committed, first of all, to ourselves.” Numerous examples are given on how we can turn away from ourselves and toward each other.
    • Point Man, Steve Farrar
      Steve Farrar insists that if we are to win this war, we need men who know how to effectively lead their homes. Point Man is designed to provide a biblical role model for baby-boomer dads determined to keep their families off the casualty list.”
    • Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, Aubrey Mulphurs
      This small book talks about how the choice made by Adam and Eve has caused damage to marriage, then goes on to explain the redemptive role of men and women in marriage.
    • His Needs/Her Needs, Willard Harley
      Excellent book on how to meet your spouse’s needs. The author also cautions of the possible consequences if needs go unmet for significant periods of time. This book gives good insight into the mindset of the opposite sex.
      Note: stressed couples tend to focus on their own needs and their spouses failure to live up to those expectations. If your relationship is stressed this book could become a body of evidence against one another instead of a useful way to serve one another.
    • Husbands Who Won't Lead and Wives Who Won't Follow, James Walker
      This book deals with different types of husbands (passive, withdrawn, workaholic, escapist) and different kinds of wives (doormat with lace, woman at war, manipulating, and the working wife. It is helpful for those that have a hard time recognizing roles and submission.
    • Man in the Mirror, Patrick Morley
      A practical book on 24 different problems men face in identity, relationships, money, time, temperament, integrity and concluding with spiritual disciplines that bring about change.”
  • Women in marriage
    • Men & Women: Enjoying the Difference, Larry Crabb
      “Men and women share a deadly problem that kills good relating. The problem is this: we are committed, first of all, to ourselves.” Numerous examples are given on how we can turn away from ourselves and toward each other.
    • Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, Aubrey Mulphurs
      This small book talks about how the choice made by Adam and Eve has caused damage to marriage, then goes on to explain the redemptive role of men and women in marriage.
    • His Needs/Her Needs, Willard Harley
      Excellent book on how to meet your spouse’s needs. The author also cautions of the possible consequences if needs go unmet for significant periods of time. This book gives good insight into the mindset of the opposite sex.
      Note: stressed couples tend to focus on their own needs and their spouses failure to live up to those expectations. If your relationship is stressed this book could become a body of evidence against one another instead of a useful way to serve one another.
    • How to Get Your Husband to Talk to You, Nancy Cobb & Connie Grigsby
      Men and women communicate differently and, all-too-often, not at all! This book is a sort of “linguistics” school that will teach you to speak your husband’s language.
    • Husbands Who Won't Lead and Wives Who Won't Follow, James Walker
      This book deals with different types of husbands (passive, withdrawn, workaholic, escapist) and different kinds of wives (doormat with lace, woman at war, manipulating, and the working wife. It is helpful for those that have a hard time recognizing roles and submission.

Parenting/Family

  • How to Really Love your Child, Ross Campbell
    This bestseller shows you how to demonstrate love to your young children in dozens of ways---from positive eye-contact and physical touch to effective discipline and spiritual nurture.”
  • Relaxed Parent, Tim Smith
    The title may lead you to think this book extols permissiveness but it does not. This book is an excellent start for a good foundation to effective parenting; however, more real life examples would be helpful.”
  • Shepherding A Child’s Heart, Tedd Tripp
    Tripp believes the goal of parenting is to shepherd a child’s heart rather than just correct a child’s behavior. He bases this goal on the principle in Luke 6 (the heart as the control center of life). He believes change the heart and you will change the behavior.
  • Parenting Adolescents, Kevin Huggins
    Huggins examines the many ties between rearing mature, Christ-like kids, and developing maturity, wisdom, and Christ-likeness in your own life. Rather than offering a series of formulas designed to generate better behavior in your kids, he shows how the normal ups and downs of family life can be used to build true love and godly character in you and your teens at the same time.”
  • The Moral Child, William Damon
    A secular, scholarly study of moral development in children. Damon’s premise is that the cultivation of empathy is the cornerstone for learning to treat others with justice and maintain mature relationships.”
  • The Manipulative Child, Swihart and Cotter
    Based on 25 years of research, Swihart and Cotter clearly describe how manipulation is the behavior kids learn when their parents are reluctant or afraid to discipline. Although it may seem easier to give in, manipulation will have serious long-term effects on a child’s maturing to successfully meet life’s challenges.”
  • Five Signs of a Loving Family, Gary Chapman
    This book focuses on how to develop a loving family rather than discussing a dysfunctional family. Chapman argues that there are basically five characteristics visible in most healthy families. He discusses how those characteristics can be developed in our families and at the end of each chapter gives practical exercises to encourage development in those areas.
  • Boundaries with Kids, John Townsend and Henry Cloud
    The award-winning authors of Boundaries now show you how to apply their 10 life-changing principles to parenting! Drawing on numerous case studies, Drs. Cloud and Townsend explain how to implement the "preventive medicine" of character development by defining legitimate family
  • A Mother’s Heart, Jean Fleming
    A look at values, vision, and character for the Christian mother.
  • Active Christian Parenting, Augsburg and Fortress
    This book combines skill-based parenting strategies with a focus on Christian values and practice, giving parents the tools to improve parenting skills and develop their children's faith.
  • And Then I had Kids, Susan Yates
    Encouragement for Mothers of Young Children. Practical wisdom, counsel and advice for raising children.
  • And Then I had Teenagers, Susan Yates
    Drawing from her experience raising five teenagers, Yates walks you through everything from preparing for the teen years to letting your teens go. Her insight helps to create open communication, set limits, understand what’s normal (and what’s not!), take advantage of peer pressure, build your teen’s faith, bringing control to out-of-control family life, helping your children develop healthy boundaries, and more.”
  • Complete Book of Baby & Child Care, Paul Reisser
    A one-stop resource that addresses the everyday nuts and bolts of parenting children.
  • Five Love Languages of Teenagers, Gary Chapman
    Just like adults, teenagers need to feel loved, yet communicating love our kids can be challenging, since people naturally give and receive in distinct and often conflicting ways.
  • God’s Design for Sex, Jones & Nystrom.
    Christian Book Series for children to explain sex at different age levels.
  • Greater Expectations, William Damon
    This is an excellent secular perspective. It is more scholarly. “Overcoming the Culture of Indulgence in our Homes and Schools.” Commonly accepted standards have fallen tremendously and so have children's skills and behaviors.
  • Helping Children of Divorce, Susan Diamond
    A handbook for parents and teachers.
  • How to Develop Your Child’s Temperament, Beverly LaHaye
    Learning your child’s temperament, helping with training and discipline. Helpful remarks at end of book about how parents of different temperaments raise their kids.
  • How to Really love your Teenager, Ross Campbell
    Excellent practical advice on how to effectively communicate unconditional love to teenagers. However, much emphasis put on feelings and self-esteem, i.e., if teens are loved well, they won’t get involved in damaging behaviors. The chapters on dealing with anger in our teens and in us are very helpful.
  • Key to Your Child’s Heart, Gary Smalley
    A child-rearing classic (revised and expanded), Gary Smalley cuts to the relational heart of parenting to show you proven parenting methods that can spell the difference between an angry, rebellious, distant child and a happy, cooperative one.”
  • Learning to Let Go, Carol Kuykendall
    This is a good book for fearful or controlling parents. One of the most important challenges God has given to parents is to let go and allow children to grow into healthy, independent adults. Kuykendall's biblically sound advice will show you how to most effectively nurture, and let go little by little as your kids grow.”
  • The New Dare to Discipline, James Dobson
    Child-rearing may be the most important thing we ever do-but few us are trained for it. Here's proven, biblical advice for raising children!”
  • The New Hide or Seek : Building Confidence in your Child, James Dobson
    Few of us measure up to the value judgments society makes. In the updated, 25th-aniversary edition of his classic best seller, Dr. Dobson offers 12 solid strategies for building self-esteem in your kids.”
  • Parenting the Wild Child, Miles McPherson
    Before you surrender, know this: There's Hope! Blending street-wise understanding with biblical truths, Miles McPherson presents uncommon guidance for parents who don't know where to turn. The goal isn't to ‘fix’ your wayward teenager. Rather, you will learn how to help your child want to change his or her rebellious ways.
  • Parenting Today’s Adolescents, Dennis Rainey
    Helping your child avoid the traps of the preteen and teen.
  • Parents Guide to the Best Books for Children, Eden Ross Lipson
    Ideas for great children’s books.
  • Preparing for Adolescence, James Dobson
    Common topics that trouble most adolescents, including inferiority, peer pressure, drug abuse, puberty, sexual development, menstruation, masturbation, romantic love, overcoming discouragement, sound decision-making and handling independence.
  • Raising Cain, Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson
    An excellent examination of pressures that boys face in North American culture. The insights on culture are invaluable to those who are raising boys.”
  • Reviving Ophelia, Mary Pipher
    Very insightful for raising girls.
  • Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, Stephen Covey
    Secular. This book addresses the development of a healthy, cohesive family.
  • Sex, strength and the Secrets of Becoming a Man, Donald Joy
    For teenage boys. “Even in this troubled world, it’s still possible to grow up to be a healthy, pure, strong and responsible man.
  • Single parenting, Robert Barnes
    In-depth answers to important questions single parents have. With biblical insight, Barnes points the way to personal and family healing.
  • Solve your Child’s Sleep Problems, Richard Ferber
    The title explains what it is. For younger children, many have found that reading the book, The Rabbit Who Wants to Fall Asleep, by Carl-Johan Forssén Ehrlin to be very helpful.
  • The Challenging Child, Stanley Greenspan
    Greenspan looks at five different types of "difficult" children: sensitive, self-absorbed, defiant, inattentive, and active/aggressive.”
  • The Gift of the Blessing, Smalley & Trent
    The unconditional love and approval that comes with the blessing is an important element of our self-esteem and emotional well-being. Good for working through past family issues.
  • Train up a Mom, Vollie Sanders
    Sanders shares her 30-plus years of mothering experience to help you focus on God and entrust Him with your children's lives. Includes study questions and suggestions for meditation and prayer.”
  • Understanding Children's Sexual Behaviors - What's Natural and Healthy (Updated and Expanded 2015), Tori Cavanagh Johnson
    This is a great reference for parents and highly recommended.
  • What every Mom Needs: Your Nine Basic Needs, Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall
    Ideas on how to take care of yourself so you can be a better mother.
  • What Really Matters at Home, John and Susan Alexander Yates
    Eight crucial elements for building character in your family.
  • You and Your Child, Charles Swindoll
    This book is full of practical information, sound advice, and solid principles from a well-known Christian writer and teacher, He writes with clarity, humor, and passion about what he has learned from the bible and surviving life "in the trenches."
  • You Can’t Make Me: But I can be Persuaded, Cynthia Tobias
    For parents of a strong-willed child! Writing from personal experience, Tobias provides specific strategies for motivating and disciplining; helping your child succeed; responding appropriately; and strengthening family relationships. You'll gain insights about your child and yourself, and experience greater peace within your whole family”
  • You’re a Better Parent Than You Think, Guarendi, Raymond
    A guide to common-sense parenting.
  • Blended Family/Step-parenting
    • Blended Families, Maxine Marsolini
      The author writes about common feelings of children in blended families. The author uses her experience in a blended family as well as advice from recognized experts and candid stories from children to teach the art of step-parenting.”
    • Blended Family, Tom Frydenger
      The author, a professional family counselor, writes from his own experience, incorporates the experiences of other couples, and gives biblical advice.
    • Helping Children Survive Divorce, Archibald Hart
      This book provides specific ways to help children cope with the difficulties surrounding their parents' divorce. Hart (whose parents divorced when he was 12) urges parents to recognize that divorce is not neutral, or that kids will get over it quickly.
    • Winning the Heart of Your Stepchild, Bob Barnes
      Whether you are presently a stepparent, a dating single parent, or in the courtship stage before marriage, the challenge of blending families is one of the most difficult you will ever face. This is a hands-on guidebook for today's men and women who face the special challenge of blending families. Because children must process so many emotions and thoughts, parents must learn to interpret those feelings and behaviors for any new family to succeed.

People Pleasing

  • When people are big and God is small, Ed Welch
    This is a good book for people with man-pleasing and dependency issues. Welch shows how having the biblical view of God will lead to loving people and being able to express your own needs.

Pre-Marital

  • Spiritual Relationships that Last, McCallum & Delashmutt
  • Before You Say “I Do,”  H. Norman Wright
  • Preparing for Marriage, Dennis Rainey
  • Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts, Parrott & Parrott
  • How Do I Say "I Love You?," Judson Swihart

Relationships (Difficult ones)

  • The emotionally destructive relationship, Leslie Vernick
  • Boundaries, Cloud & Townsend
  • Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder, Mason and Kreger
  • Love is a Choice, Dr. Robert Hemfelt, Dr. Frank Minirth, Paul Meier M.D
    These authors walk you through their ten proven stages to recovery from codependency that results from external circumstances. Humans are susceptible to codependency because of our sinful tendency to use defense mechanisms to fool ourselves. In codependent relationships, deceitful games are played, and important Christian principles are often taken out of context and abused.
  • Co-Dependent No more, Melody Beattie
    Secular book on Co-dependency. This book covers how to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself.
  • Handling Hurt, XCF pastoral staff
  • Rapha’s Twelve-Step Program for Overcoming Codependency, Pat Springle

Sanctification (General)

  • Walking in Victory, McCallum
  • Sit, Walk, Stand, Nee
  • Broken Down Houses: Living Productively in a World Gone Bad, Paul Tripp
  • Handbook to Happiness, Dr. Charles R. Solomon
    A practical handbook written in laymen’s terms about the new life we have in Christ.
  • The Normal Christian Life, Nee
  • The Search for Significance, Robert McGee
    Christian Book. This book will help you base your self-worth on Christ’s love, acceptance, and forgiveness. The first section will provide the truth about self-worth from God’s perspective, where the second section will help you apply those truths personally. A practical yet challenging book.
  • Spiritual Maturity, J. Oswald Sanders
    The third book in the Commitment to Spiritual Growth Series, by J. Oswald Sanders, proves to be a blessing to Christians who are seeking depth in their relationship with God. Sanders points out the arresting difference between God's thoughts and man's weakness with a deeper understanding of discipleship.”
  • A Spiritual Clinic, J. Oswald Sanders
  • Praying for "Stuck" Christians by Gary DeLashmutt

Separation/Divorce

  • Divorce
    • Adult Children of Divorce, Burns & Brissett
    • Growing Through Divorce, Jim Smoke
      A compassionate and supportive book that can help many single–again people. Drawing on this experience, Jim offers men and women the practical, step–by–step help they need to survive the turmoil of divorce and come out healthy and secure.
    • The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study, Judith S. Wallerstein, Julia M. Lewis and Sandra Blakeslee
      An important longitudinal study of the impact of divorce.
    • Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage, Jay Adams
      This is the book that many pastors, counselors, and theologians consider to be the most biblical and the most helpful on the issue of marriage and divorce. If the church is going to use the Bible to decide whether divorce is legitimate in certain cases and whether divorced people have the right to remarry with the approval and blessing of God's people, then the Bible must be studied without prejudice toward a particular answer.
    • What about Divorce? Spiros Zhodiates
      Christian book. An exegesis of Matt. 5:27-32 19:2-12; Mark 10:2-12; Luke 16:18; Romans 7:1-3 and other scriptures. Some of the topics in this book are: Marriage in Christianity; How to avoid desiring another wife or husband; When is the relationship really broken; and the life of abstinence - for whom?
    • DivorceCare (a ministry of XCF) - DivorceCare is a 12-week discussion/video group covering the different aspects of divorce. This is a time to reflect on reasons for the divorce, and to consider a biblical perspective for building a new life in the Christian community. Sharing about the difficulties of divorce with others who are going through the same thing brings resolution and hope for the future. Contact Phil Franck at franckp@xenos.org
  • Children
    • Helping Children Survive Divorce, Archibald Hart
      This book can help you build a healthier post-divorce life for your children. Divorce does not have to plague children all their lives. There is so much that divorcing parents can do to prevent damage to their children, and preserve them for a rich and meaningful life.
    • Difficult questions kids ask and are afraid to ask about divorce, Meg Schneider & Joan Zuckerberg
      In a question-and-answer dialogue format, the authors tackle the concerns hidden behind what kids say and provide suggestions for dealing with those problems, whether they are feelings of blame, desertion, or a child's hopes for reconciliation.
    • Helping Children of Divorce, Judson Swihart & Steven Brigham
      A very helpful little book guiding a parent through divorce, telling the children, seeing the divorce through the eyes of children, plus many other useful helps.
  • Infidelity 
    • After the Affair, Janis & Michael Spring
      Explains how to survive infidelity, offering a series of original and proven strategies that enable both partners to identify their part in the affair.
  • Separation 
    • Hope for the Separated, Gary Chapman
      This author shows you that by following the proven advice of God’s Word you can achieve reconciliation with your mate.
    • Uncoupling, Diane Vaughan
      Vaughan's examination of the breakup of relationships from a sociological and psychological perspective identifies the key steps in uncoupling from both partners' points of view. This schema is supported by 103 in-depth interviews and solid documentation from the professional literature. This work is also helpful to those in the early stages of uncoupling to identify what is happening, enabling them to take the steps necessary to avoid the ultimate breakdown.”

Sexuality

  • Premarital 
    • Every Young Man’s Battle, Stephen Arterburn
      Christian Book on sexual struggles. Written specifically for young, single men.
    • Every Young Woman’s Battle, Shannon Etheridge
      A comprehensive look at problems that high school and college aged women face in the sexual arena.
  • Marital 
    • Act of Marriage, Tim & Beverly LaHaye
      This updated and expanded edition expands some of the subjects that were discreetly touched on in the earlier edition, explores how the latest discoveries in the field of medicine and social practice confirm the principles written about in the book
    • Act of Marriage after 40, Tim & Beverly LaHaye
      A written script for the second act of your marriage that can be better than the first! Covering such topics as nutrition, fitness, sexual desire and aging, male impotence, Viagra, female hormone drugs, menopause and hysterectomy, first-time marriage after 40, and more. Helps about how the aging process affects intimacy.”
    • The Gift of Sex, Penner and Penner
      An ideal guide for understanding sexuality, and the sexual relationship in marriage with all its pleasure, drive, frustration, and fulfillment. Clifford and Joyce Penner’s vast clinical experience leads you to explore the deep powerful, and mysterious aspects of your sexuality.”
    • Intended for Pleasure, Ed Wheat
      This is useful for the mechanics of sexuality. With the right perspective, it can be helpful. The problem with books like this is that their focus on the physicality of sex tends to pull sex out of its spiritual & relational context. There is an audio series in the Xenos Study Center (t02621 – t02624).

      The author discusses all of the potential sexual problems as well as basic contraception. It addresses issues such as infertility and sexual techniques during pregnancy.
    • No more headaches, Enjoying Sex and Intimacy in Marriage, Julianna Slattery
      This Christian psychologist directly addresses wives about the importance of sexuality in marriage. She argues that wives need to appreciate and respond to their husband’s sexual motivation. There’s a good synopsis at Focus on the Family. Unfortunately Slattery includes the idea that men have to have sex physically or they experience physical pain similar to breast engorgement in women, which is false.
    • Restoring the Pleasure, Penner & Penner
      This is helpful for couples struggling with more difficult sexual problems pertaining to desire, arousal or consummation.
    • A Celebration of Sex, Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau
      This is useful for the mechanics of sexuality. With the right perspective, it can be helpful.
    • Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy, Kevin Leman
      This is useful for the mechanics of sexuality. With the right perspective, it can be helpful. On the negative side, the goal & focus of oneness is absent. It seems to promote a sort of mutual selfishness that is bound to backfire (i.e. transactional approach; if the wife does this then the husband will do that). Bev Delashmutt prefers, Sex begins in the kitchen
    • Sex begins in the kitchen, Kevin Leman
    • Intimate Issues, Linda Dillow
      With warmth, wisdom, and candor, Dillow and Pintus answer the most-asked questions Christian women have about sexual intimacy. Their biblical insights and creative ideas will guide you and your husband to a deeper, more satisfying relationship.
  • Sexuality and parenting 
    • A Gift for all Ages: A family handbook on Sexuality, Clifford & Joyce Penner
  • Sexual Temptation in Marriage
    • Every Man’s Battle, Arterburn and Stoeker
      Christian Book on sexual addition or struggle. Practical and easy to read.
    • Every Woman’s Battle, Shannon Ethridge
      Desires that can compromise our sexual and emotional integrity. Ethridge shows how various tempting situations can undermine a marriage relationship. Her candor and honesty is refreshing.
    • Living With Your Husband’s Secret Wars, Marsha Means
      When a wife discovers her husband is entangled in sexual sin, she’s devastated. This book offers helpful proactive steps.
    • Men's Secret Wars, Patrick Means
      From workaholism to pornography, some men face destructive temptations alone. This book helps with proven strategies for defeating threats to the inner life.
    • Temptations Men Face, Tom Eisenman
      In straightforward language, Eisenman honestly discusses the difficulties he and others have had with stumbling blocks in the Christian walk.
    • When Good Men are Tempted, Bill Perkins
      Perkins unfolds a three-part game plan that can lead men to victory through various temptations.
  • Sexual Addiction 
    • False Intimacy, Harry Schaumburg
      Christian Book on sexual addition or struggle. “Stealing glances at pornographic magazines. Reading novels just to get to the “good” parts. Finding more excitement outside marriage than in it. With frank honesty, Dr. Schaumburg examines the roots behind these kinds of behaviors, offering realistic biblical direction for healing and restoration.”
    • Porn free: Finding Renewal Through Truth and Community, Brian Gardner
      This is a good overview of the problem with many practical ideas for overcoming the addiction.
    • The Rational Case against Pornography, James Rochford
    • Wired for Intimacy: How Pornography Hijacks the Male Brain, William Struthers
      Understanding the impact of pornography on neurophysiology is a useful adjunct to other materials on this topic.
    • Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction, Gary Wilson
      This is a secular book about how pornography rewires the brain to drive addiction to pornography. It is an engaging and helpful book. See his website and his TED Talk entitled, The Great Porn Experiment.
    • Breaking Pornography Addiction, David Powlison
    • Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction, Mark R. Laaser
      The author is himself a recovering sex addict. He provides many important insights about addiction but offers little in the way of helpful suggestions about how to overcome addiction beyond moralisms.
    • Lonely all the time, Crow, et. al.
      A secular treatment of sexual addiction
    • Sexual Sanity, Earl D. Wilson
      This is a book about breaking free from uncontrolled sexual activities.
    • Eros Defiled, John White
      With tough-minded compassion, seasoned wisdom, and awareness of sin’s destructiveness, White offers forgiveness and a way out for Christians struggling with premarital and extramarital sex, homosexuality, and masturbation.
    • Sexual Integrity for Men (a course at XCF) - A class to assist Christian men who struggle with pornography to reject it, and to replace it with growth in Christ-like character, relational maturity and productive ministry involvement. Sexual Integrity is a six-week group experience intended for Christian men who are willing to do what it takes to find their way out of involvement with pornography and into an enhanced relationship with Christ. This includes addressing character defects, facing the challenges of relational growth, male sexuality and developing in self-giving love. It is more than just saying "no" to porn. We also offer a special class designed specifically for college students, and another class for women only. Watch our class offerings page for when these are offered.
  • Sexual Abuse 
    • Helping Victims of Sexual Abuse, Heitritter & Vought
      Covers diagnosis, treatment, and prevention as well as spiritual, moral, and philosophical/ethical considerations.
    • A Door of Hope, Jan Frank
    • The Wounded Heart, Dan Allender
      This book takes a personal and specific look at sexual abuse. The accompanying workbook is helpful too.
    • Sexual Abuse Support Services 
      • Sexual Abuse Workshop (GRACE; a ministry of XCF) - GRACE is a 10-week workshop that helps women resolve the damage of sexual abuse. The process involves honesty, a change of mind, yielding to God and restoring trust in God. We use the Bible, prayer, and thought-provoking exercises in a safe, compassionate and loving atmosphere of support and fellowship. Contact Barb Hulett (614) 823-6510 x 1727
      • Victory (Sexual Assault Recovery; a ministry of XCF) - Victory is a ministry to help women who have been raped begin to understand how their rape has affected their relationship with God and others, to encourage healing, to move them toward freedom to love others, and to serve the Lord more effectively. Contact Barb Hulett (614) 823-6510 x 1727. All calls are confidential and discreet.
  • Bible teaching about sex 
    • Sex and the Supremacy of Christ, Piper & Taylor
      see chapters 1-4 & 7
    • Flame of Yahweh, Davidson
      A large treatise on sexuality in the Old Testament
    • Sacred Sex, Tim A Gardner
      This gets a little odd but is a decent treatment of the holiness of sex.
  • Materials focused on cultural views of sexuality 
    • Sex and the iWorld, Dale Keuhne
      This is a great contemporary analysis of the effect of radical individualism on sexual viewpoints and a call for an rWorld (relational world) where sexuality is better expressed.
    • Real Sex, the naked truth about chastity, Lauren Winner
      A good critique of the self-serving sexuality found in our culture.
    • The Sexual Man, Archibald Hart
      Based on nationwide research, this report refutes the current myths surrounding male sexuality and offers a sane view of what it means to be male, sexual, and normal.

Shame

Suicide

  • Suicide Hotline: 614-221-5445
  • Youth Suicide Prevention by Denise Meine-Graham and Joe Botti with materials from Greta Mayer and the Mental Health & Recovery Board of Clark, Greene and Madison Counties