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James 3:13-4:2
Two Kinds of Wisdom
Introduction
Read 3:13-18. The subject of this passage is wisdom (4 times).
True wisdom has nothing to do with technical expertise or financial acumen
or academic education. It has to do with knowing how to apply God's truth
to life, and specifically with how to relate other people properly. As
we all know, it is both possible and common for someone to be a whiz at
one of the former and yet a miserable failure at the latter.
Read vs 13, 18. If you want to know how you're doing with the wisdom
that really matters, James says to ask yourself: “What characterizes
my relationships with other people?” Are they riddled with ugly conflicts
and breakdowns, distance and superficiality—or are they generally
characterized by loving concern, increasing trust and satisfactory resolution
to problems that arise? To help us get a handle on this are, James describes
two kinds of wisdom which lead to two different results.
2 Misconceptions Concerning Conflict
We have to be careful here, or we may buy into some unbiblical ideas
that will distort our understanding of what God is trying to teach us
in this area.
“All conflict is bad.” There are two very different
kinds of conflict.
Issues-oriented conflict is a disagreement or debate over an
issue (what is right/true; the best way to do something; whether a problem
exists; etc.). Depending on how important the issue is, these conflicts
might be quite vigorous. This kind of conflict is good and actually
necessary for learning, motivation, etc. The Bible is full of examples
of this kind of conflict (Acts 15; Galatians 2) leading to good results.
The kind of conflict that is condemned by the Bible is ego-centric
conflict, or conflict arising from desires and motives that are
selfish and hurtful. This is what James is getting at in this passage.
“Ego-centric conflict is always avoidable or resolvable.”
Because people have free will and are sinful, we cannot conclude that
someone is unwise just because others have ego-centric conflict with him
(PARENTS WITH YOUNG CHILDREN). Jesus was the recipient of this kind of
conflict throughout his public ministry because of the jealousy of the
religious leaders, but he never sinned in any part of this conflict. For
this reason, Paul says “If possible, so far as it depends upon
you, be at peace with all men.” (Romans 12:18)
But we can learn to avoid initiating ego-centric conflict ourselves.
We can learn to not escalate an issues-oriented conflict into an ego-centric
conflict. We can also learn not to respond in kind to ego-centric conflict
coming at us from others (1 Corinthians 4:12b-13a; 2 Timothy 2:24-26),
and thereby make it easier for the other person to resolve his/her ego-centric
conflict properly. This is where our focus should be, and most of us
can stand to make much progress in this arena. When we have learned
this wisdom, we may still have bitter enemies for taking a stand for
what is true, but they often get reconciled later on, and we will have
many long-standing relationships with others that have weathered storms
and have become stronger through the years.
Wisdom From Below (vs 14-16)
Read vs 14-16. James tells us that the “wisdom” that leads
to ego-centric conflict stems from our fallen natures (“earthly,
natural”) and ultimately from Satan himself (the ultimate egomaniac).
It has its own fallen logic. This passage, along with many others,
detail the motivational sources and logic of ego-centric conflict.
Jealousy/Envy: “You have what I want/deserve and I resent
you for it.” (LOOKS; GIFTING; SPOUSE; CHILDREN; UPBRINGING; POSITION)
Selfish ambition: “You are blocking what I want to attain,
so I am angry with you.” This can take two forms:
Rivalry: “You are my enemy because you want to attain
the same goal I do.” (“competitive” vs. “cooperative”
linkage)
Rebellion: “You are my enemy because you occupy the position
that I want.”
Unfulfilled expectations: “You didn't give me what I want,
so I am hurt, angry, outraged, etc.” (OFTEN UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS:
SECURITY; ESCAPE CONSEQUENCES OF WRONG DECISIONS; BEST FRIENDSHIP; MIND-READING
MY DESIRES)
Unforgiven offenses: “You wronged me, so I have the right
to make you pay.”
Criticism taken personally: “You hurt my feelings when you
criticized me, so I hold that against you.”
Ego-centric conflicts manifest themselves in many different ways, depending
on our personalities, maturity level, etc. But the end result, as James
says, is “disorder and every evil thing.“
INTERNAL MANIFESTATIONS:
- Ruminating over “offenses”
- Rehearsing vengeance
- Joy when they meet with defeat/failure/misfortune; anger when they
succeed/have good fortune
- Hyper-critical interpretations of their motives & actions
- Blaming unhappiness on their treatment of us
EXTERNAL MANIFESTATIONS:
- Angry outbursts
- Punitive threats
- Passive-aggressive behaviors: refusal to cooperate wherever possible;
silent treatment
- Avoidance/withdrawal within the relationship
- Gossip & slander—even factions
This scratches where it itches, doesn't it?
Inside all of our hearts roils this kind of filth, and who can say they
don't give way to it sometimes? But if this a pattern that characterizes
your dealings with people, the Bible says this proves you are living in
a very carnal state (1 Corinthians 3:3).
How to Attain Wisdom From Above (3:17-4:2)
Establish a love-trust relationship with God as your primary relationship
(4:1-2). What does this have to do with getting along with other
people? Everything! The Bible constantly stresses that the key to relational
success with other people is relational success with God, and therefore
relational failure with others is a symptom of an absent or deficient
relationship with God.
How does this work? The God of the Bible is the only one who can meet
my needs for security, direction, significance, forgiveness, etc. He
is both loving and sovereign—he is absolutely committed to my good,
and he is able to work toward that end through every situation. Ego-centric
conflicts arise essentially because I look to other people instead of
to God to provide these needs in my life (EXAMPLES: co-dependent relational
conflict; anger because of criticism; forgiveness for offense; power
struggle conflict).
This is exactly what James is pointing out in 4:1-2 (read and
explain). It is only as I trust God to meet these needs is his way and
in his timing that I can relate to people in a healthy way (i.e., as
opportunities to serve and/or as agents of God's loving provision &/or
learning).
GOSPEL: This begins only by receiving Christ.
CHRISTIANS: Our success in relating to others will be directly
connected to continued progress in trusting God's sovereign love. This
is why we need to stay focused on who we are in Christ and ask God to
deepen our appreciation of this truth.
Respond properly to God's conviction about ego-centric relational
attitudes (3:14). In vs 14, James warns us that we have a tendency
to rationalize these attitudes. This is so ugly that we are horrified
and embarrassed by it, so our first reflex will usually be to deny or
justify (EXAMPLE). This only allows it to grow, like a CANCER that we
ignore.
Alone, before God, we need to acknowledge the truth about our
attitude toward the other person, and the motivation that is driving
it (ME W/ DEN) and then turn away from it, asking God to help
us in this. This may take some time to get honest with yourself and
admit the truth, and to decide that you will turn away from it. But
this kind of heart-honesty is crucial in an authentic personal relationship
with God. We should be very suspicious of people who claim to be intimate
with God, but who have ego-centric conflicts which they don't resolve
in this way. I know this makes up a big part of my personal dealings
with God!
It is also often helpful and important to acknowledge and apologize
for hurtful attitudes and actions when it has broken out against the
person. This is often healing to the relationship, but even more importantly
it can free you from the grip of these attitudes. Maturing Christians
have the humility to apologize!
Focus on how you love others rather than on how they love you (3:17-18).
Read vs 17,18. Clearly, this is the scriptural emphasis. The Bible doesn't
say “Make sure that others love you properly.” It says “Love
others as you love yourself and as I have loved you.” It doesn't
say “Be sure to get others to treat you as per Vs 17;” it says
“Learn to treat others as per vs 17.” Through the relational
imperatives in scripture, God is constantly cutting off our tendency to
blame other people for our lives or use their treatment of us as an excuse,
and refocus our attention on treating them properly.
This is a difficult one to swallow because we are naturally more attuned
to how other people should treat us—especially if we believe that
our security, fulfillment, etc. is dependent on how they treat us. But
this focus will always lead to “victim” mentality—that
my success, security, happiness, etc. is dependent on how other people
treat me, which is something over which I have no real control. In contrast,
the maturing Christian is trusting increasingly in God to meet those
needs, and concentrates not on what he can't control (how others
treat him) but on what he can control (how he treats others).
As we do this, God's Spirit grants us his peace and hope and joy—even
if people do not respond in kind.
Practice vs 17 qualities in all relationships. No one can stop
you from gaining proficiency in these qualities, and God will personally
direct your attention to different qualities at different times.
- “Pure”: motivated by sincere desire to serve God and others;
not polluted by selfish agendas
- “Peaceable”: harmonious relationships with others is a
high priority; in contrast to contentious
- “Gentle”: not unduly rigorous; forbearing; in contrast
to selfishly insisting on your rights
- “Reasonable”: willing to be persuaded; able to defer; in
contrast to stubbornly insisting on your own way
- “Full of mercy and good fruits”: compassion for those who
are suffering, even when due to their own wrong choices—and willing
to do something about it
- “Without wavering”: steadfast in commitment to relationships;
in contrast to quitting when it gets rough
- “Without hypocrisy”: not two-faced or full of pretense;
straightforward about issues
View “difficult” people as opportunities to grow in wisdom.
QUALIFY: I am not saying that we should seek out the worst kind of people
we can and spend most of our time with them. But we all have people in
our lives (WORK; FAMILY; NEIGHBORS; CHRISTIAN ASSOCIATE) that irk us,
rub us the wrong way, etc. The wise person asks God “What attitudinal
issue in me are you exposing through this person? What relational skill
do you want me to learn through this situation?” rather than merely
“How can I get away from this person?” We should be suspicious
of the perspective which explains a pattern of unresolved relational conflict
by saying “I just always get shafted by rotten people.”
Footnote
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