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James 3:1-12
Taming the Tongue
Introduction
Remind of 1:26—when James thinks of spiritual maturity, he doesn't
mention some of the things that many associate with this state (VISIONS;
LITURGY). Instead, he says that one non-optional component of it is “bridling
the tongue”—the ability to use our speech properly. This is
such a big deal to him that he devotes several more verses to it in chapter
3.
Why is this so important? Because our speech has such power . . .
Why Taming the Tongue is So Important (vs 1-6)
Because its power is disproportionately large (vs 3-5a). Read. “BIG
THINGS COME IN SMALL PACKAGES!” Some things exercise an influence
all out of proportion to their relative size. A little tiny BIT has tremendous
power when used properly. It can control a horse, preventing it from trampling
things and harnessing its power for productive work. In the same way,
a little RUDDER is what enables us to harness the power of the wind for
direction and travel.
James says that this same principle holds true with our speech. We
may be tempted to think that what we say has very little importance,
but the truth is that the way we use our words will impact our lives
and the lives of others more than anything else that we do! Since this
is the case, it is imperative that we learn to get control of our speech
and use it properly.
Because it can do so much damage (vs 5b-12). Read. The destructive
power of fire is such that even a little spark of it, when used improperly,
can lay waste to an entire forest. In the same way, our speech has incredible
destructive power. They can be used by Satan to ruin our lives and the
lives of others.
Different Tongue Problems
What kind of speech is James talking about in this passage? It is common
among Christians to assume that he is referring to profanity/obscenity.
Christians tend to make a big deal about not cussing. But this is not
James' point. He is referring to the use of our speech against other people.
We know this for a couple of reasons:
The immediate context (vs 9: “ . . . curse
men . . . “) shows that James is referring to using
our words to hurt others instead of to do good to them.
The following context (3:13-4:2) is about destructive relational conflict.
What kinds of speech are “rotten”/“curse” others?
FACE-TO-FACE ASSAULTS
Verbal violence that is deliberately calculated to hurt the other person,
or which is unintentional but callously insensitive. This is only done
to people that we know well (spouses & friends) because we have
the knowledge to really hurt them. Unleashing fury, deeply sarcastic
cuts about their weaknesses, etc. What Solomon says is true (“One
who speaks rashly is like thrusts of a sword . . . “
Proverbs 12:18). When you've been on the receiving end of this,
you know how hard it is to recover and ever look at the person the same
way again.
Constant critical cuts that just wear the other person down and erode
their sense of self-worth (PARENTS W/ CHILDREN; BOSSES W/ EMPLOYEES).
Nothing is ever good enough; it's always what you did wrong that gets
primary attention. If you've been subjected to this as a child, you
know why Paul warns parents against the danger of exasperating your
children so that they lose heart (Colossians 3:21).
BEHIND-THE-BACK ATTACKS
SLANDER is saying untrue things about another person to a 3rd party—deeds,
words, motives, etc. GOSSIP is spreading the truth about someone's faults
or failings. Both are done out of a desire to see them brought low in
someone else's eyes. In the world, these are often done very overtly,
but Christians usually do them in subtle ways (“PRAY FOR X;”
“I'M REALLY CONCERNED FOR Y”).
People's reputations are destroyed through this, and others' opinions
of the person are unfairly colored so that they don't have the opportunity
to make their own impression. It's very unnerving to be around someone
who talks freely about others in this way; you what they say about you
when you're not around!
“When we stand before (God), we may discover that the damage done
by (wrong speech) exceeds that done in many other ways, for it works great
havoc in others lives as well as in our own. Words that have once escaped
our lips cannot be recovered; they may go on from mouth to ear and ear
to mouth, spreading damage as they go. We can repent of our folly and
be forgiven (by God), but we cannot retrieve what we have released . . . If
our trouble is an unbridled tongue, it is more serious than (other character
defects), for the careless words the tongue utters release a deadly stream
that flows on and on spreading death wherever it goes . . . Many
words we have uttered in the past are very busy now and are working great
havoc.”
Who can say they don't stumble in this area (vs 2)? I know I do! I know
what it's like to use my speech to tell people about God and then go right
out and puke up some defiling sewage (vs 10-12)! It is very inwardly
distressing to realize how incongruous this is, especially as a Christian.
I need to tame my tongue!
A Strategy For Taming the Tongue
Admit that you need God's help and ask him for it. Read vs 7-8.
James doesn't mean that change is impossible; otherwise he wouldn't be
calling on us to change. He means that real, lasting change in this area
is humanly impossible and requires God's changing power. Only God can
sensitize us to our specific speech sins, motivate us to seek change,
and empower our wills to cooperate with him. And this power is available
us if we turn to God, acknowledge our sin in this area and our helplessness
to change ourselves, and humbly ask him to get involved with us here.
GOSPEL: This is done initially by receiving Christ.
CHRISTIANS: This is done by making this area a regular subject
in prayer for sensitivity, wisdom, self-control, etc.
But this isn't all we do. The Bible calls on us to actively cooperate
with God in the taming of our tongues, and it provides us with practical
steps to take . . .
Identify key problem areas and practice prevention. Do you know where
you tend to fall down most often in the speech area? As God reveals these
to you, it is necessary to “set a guard” in these areas and
develop strategies to resist them. EXAMPLES:
ANGRY OUTBURSTS: Certain temperaments have more problems with
this, and need to learn to control it. The main goal here is to learn
to stop it before it starts because it's too late to control once it
starts (Proverbs 17:14—“The beginning of strife is like
letting out water [urinating], so abandon the quarrel before it breaks
out.”). How can we get control over this?
Give up the right to “vent” unrighteously. It is often
helpful to talk with others in a controlled way about our frustrations
and seek help, but it is always wrong in the name of “emotional
honesty” to puke your anger over all over the other person!
Ask God to sensitize you to internal anger so that it doesn't boil
up and catch you by surprise. Be willing to leave the situation before
you blow up.
Always apologize after you have blown up. This is to control the
damage, and it also acts as a “punishing stimulus” to teach
you not to do it next time.
GOSSIP & SLANDER: For others of us, it is a far greater
temptation to talk about people out of anger than it is to talk to them.
QUALIFY: Realize that not all speech about absent others
is wrong. PARENTS should talk with each other about their children;
DOCTORS should confer with each other about their patients. Involved
Christians should talk with each other about others Christians who
are struggling. The key is that we are doing so out of love and with
the desire to help. This is the key to practicing community without
destroying it through gossip and slander.
When the opportunity to talk about others arises, ask yourself:
“Why do I want this person to know this information? Can I honestly
say it is for the other person's good?”
When you are on the receiving end of news about others, it is often
wise to ask: “Why are you telling me this—to seek help on
how to help him, or just to cut him down? Have you talked with this
person about this? Don't you think you should be talking to him/her
instead of me?”
Check chronic speech problems for internal issues which need to be resolved.
Sometimes, what we talk about and the way we talk about it is a TROUBLE-LIGHT
indicating the need for more basic, internal change. Jesus says “Out
of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45b).
When this is the case, no real change in our speech will occur until we
do this.
RESENTMENT/BITTERNESS is commonly revealed through the way
we talk about the person (can't resist cutting them down when others
speak well of them; join in and take criticism to the next level; chronic
hyper-criticism of the person). When this is the case, the answer is
not simply greater effort to keep quiet about the person, or to sprinkle
in false compliments. The answer is to sincerely acknowledge the resentment
and then forgive the person in question!
COMPLAINING/NEGATIVITY is another common speech problem. It
may indicate a basic unbelief in God's view of you and his loving and
sovereign involvement in your life (Romans 8:28). If this is the
case, you need to practice applying this promise to your specific negative
situations and thanking God.
Develop the art of blessing others through your speech. The goal of
bridling your tongue is not merely to stop using your speech negatively;
it is to creatively and consistently use it to bless other people (Ephesians 4:29).
What a powerful force for good is the one who has mastered this area
(Proverbs 10:11—“The mouth of the righteous is a fountain
of life . . . ;” Proverbs 16:24—“Pleasant
words are a honeycomb . . . ;” Proverbs 25:11—“Like
apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances”)!
And this has nothing to do with public speaking ability—some of
the most effective people I have ever seen in this area were not gifted
speakers.
THE COMPONENTS OF BIBLICAL ENCOURAGEMENT: expressing value
& potential; recognizing significant accomplishments; communicating
God's faithfulness to fallen, hurting & fearful & urging them
to take a scary or painful step to follow Christ. This is what gives
authentic Christian fellowship its uniquely attractive quality (Hebrews 10:24-25).
Mastering the Art of Encouragement
Isaiah 50:4 reveals a secret of effective encouragement: staying
in vital contact with God through prayerful interaction in his Word. As
we do this, he brings people to our minds and gives us insight on how
to encourage them.
Follow God's promptings in this area and you will see God orchestrating
the right word for the right person at the right time!
Come to meetings with this goal (Hebrews 10:24-25). Look for opportunities
to speak a word of encouragement to the ones that are there.
PRACTICE!!! It is not “faky” to do this just because it doesn't
come easily or feel natural. If we are sincerely convinced that it is
important, it is the opposite of fakiness to do it even though it is difficult.
This is how it becomes natural!
Footnote
Copyright
1993 Gary DeLashmutt
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