Forgiveness: Quote Sheet
Dennis McCallum, Facilitator
- "A particularly pernicious myth is that 'healing requires forgiveness" of
the abuser. For the victim of emotional abuse, the most viable form of help is
self-help--and a victim handicapped by the need to "forgive" the abuser is a
handicapped helper indeed." Andrew Vachss, "You Carry the Cure in Your Own
Heart" in Parade Magazine, Aug. 28, 1994. p.6
- Victims lose some percentage of capacity, "and that capacity remains lost so
long as the victim is stuck in the cycle of 'understanding' and 'forgiveness.' The abuser
has no right to forgiveness--such blessings can only be earned. And although the damage
was done with words, true forgiveness can only be earned with deeds." ibid. p.6
- Love cannot last long or live out its eternal purpose in human relationships
without a foundation of forgiveness" Dan Allender, Bold Love p. 41
- "I will not live with purpose and joy unless I love. I will not be able to
love unless I forgive and I will not forgive unless my hatred is continually melted by the
searing truth and grace of the gospel." Allender, p.31
- "The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this absolution
[forgiveness] was really another form of denial: "If I forgive you, we can pretend
that what happened wasn't so terrible." I came to realize that this aspect of
forgiveness was actually preventing a lot of people from getting on with their
lives." Susan Forward, Toxic Parents (NY: Bantam, 1989) p. 189
- "Responsibility can go only one of two places: outward, onto the people who
have hurt you, or inward, into yourself. So you may forgive your parents but end up
hating yourself all the more in exchange." Toxic Parents p. 189.
- Clients all too often discovered that the empty promise of forgiveness had merely
set them up for bitter disappointment. Some of them experienced a rush of well-being, but
it didn't last because nothing had really changed in the way they felt or in their family
interactions. Toxic Parents p. 189.
- Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ
God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
- Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one
another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13
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