As we have seen, self-focus can be seen in the category of walking according
to the flesh, especially when we focus on ourselves as we were in Adam. This
is a position which will cause consternation on the part of some modern readers.
Today in our culture, focusing on ourselves is viewed as the key to happiness
and health. Today, many people believe they will solve their problems by "centering"
themselves, or "gaining a sense of self."
According to these theories, my quest should be to find my true self and liberate that
self from the layers of repression and abuse heaped on me by others. The key is to
discover my inner child--the true me--and become my own parent. Only by attacking my
shame-based upbringing will I finally throw off the negative labeling and repressive rules
holding me down (the repressive parent within) and find freedom to express my creativity
and my "true" feelings. I need to champion the inner child so I can get in touch
with my feelings which have been shamed and denied to me for so long. Only then will I
finally differentiate my ego from the undifferentiated ego-mass of my family of origin.
These and related ideas have grown out of a combination of three streams of thinking
which have fused into a mighty river with the virtual status of religion in our culture.
The first tributary was the family systems school of psychoanalysis. The second was the
recovery movement and its daughter, the codependency movement. Finally, these have been
joined by what we might call New Age selfism, or radical individualism.
Although there are many professionals who would reject such theories, popular culture
seems to be reaching a level of agreement rarely, if ever, seen before in this century.
For example, author John Bradshaw, who has been called the high priest of inner child
therapy has written a number of books which have all spent time on the New York Times best
seller list, often as number 1 for months at a time. These are some of the most popular
non-fiction books written in recent history. [I draw my descriptions of Bradshaw's
material primarily from the following two works. John Bradshaw, Creating Love: The Next
Great Stage of Growth, (New York:, Bantam Books) 1992 and Healing the Shame that
Binds You, (Deerfield Beech, CA: Health Communications, Inc. 1988)].
Biblical and Critical Assessment
Christian thinkers are confused about these therapeutic suggestions. On one side is the
observation that some people, especially victims of acute abuse as children, seem to
forget sections of their early lives, or idealize a past which is known to have been
horrible. This is usually a sign of repression or denial; defense mechanisms which can
threaten people's ability to stay in touch with reality and to relate to others honestly.
Those who are reeling from painful abuse in childhood may live in a numbed and unemotional
state, or their lives may be filled with irrational, displaced rage or anxiety. Only the
most extreme Christian leaders would deny that such denial states exist.
On the other hand, there are developments in this field that alarm most evangelical
thinkers. Today it seems, not only the severely abused, but virtually everyone is
considered a trauma victim on one level or another. What may have been needed for some
extreme cases of dissociation now is believed to be the key to everyone's life. Yet these
recently discovered therapeutic or self-help procedures are sometimes suspicious.
Thoughtful evangelicals today worry that what began as a legitimate therapy for certain
victims may be becoming a fad which puts self and negative past experiences at the center
of personal growth. Christians have been quick to adapt the thinking of secular and New
Age teachers, like Bradshaw to the Christian therapeutic market. Re-parenting theories now
turn out to be the crux of Jesus' teaching as well as the plumb-line by which churches and
teachers are judged. Yet several searching questions can be asked of self-restructuring
and family systems theorists:
- Are inner child and parental shame theories biblical? It would
be wrong to claim the Bible has to mention something before it can be trusted.
The Bible doesn't mention bulimia, but that doesn't mean there's no such
thing. On the other hand, if freedom from shame induced by my parents is
the key to growth, not just for the severely abused, but for virtually everyone,
how did people get along for so many centuries without this knowledge? Bradshaw
argues that western culture just began to awaken from its patriarchal trance
at the time of the American and French revolution, and that most of our
important realizations have occurred since World War II! Is it possible
that a discovery made only in the 1960's and 70's by largely secular and
New Age thinkers is the key to personal growth for most or all people? If
so, what good is the Bible--a "revelation" which completely missed
this central truth?
- Many of the definitions given for "shaming" are so broad
they seem to disallow virtually all parental discipline, and even the categories
of good and evil. Some authors, including evangelicals, have championed
definitions of illegitimate "shaming" such as "any statement
which says there's something wrong with you." How can this definition
from a recent evangelical book be reconciled with the fact that there is
something wrong with us? How would Jesus fare in the face of such definitions?
He said the world hated him because he testified that their deeds were evil.
(John 7:7) His sermon decrying the Pharisees in Matthew 23 would apparently
be shaming and labeling of the worst sort. He also warned that he did not
come to call the righteous, but sinners. (Matthew 9:13) Is there still a
place for admitting sin without feeling we are either shaming ourselves
or being shamed? If not, Christ has nothing to offer us.
- Is it appropriate to view ourselves as more or less ideal when we were
pre-school children? Isn't the notion that "I have to champion
the true person I was as a child," based on the belief that people
begin good and become bad because of repressive parenting? Bradshaw expressly
affirms that this is the basis for his theories. But how does this theory
accord with passages like Proverbs 22:15 "Foolishness is bound up in
the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him?"
Such a statement sounds like the antithesis of modern inner-child
theory. So, too, does Paul's boast that "When I was a child, I used
to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became
a man, I did away with childish things." (I Corinthians 13:11) The
Bible teaches that children are born fallen and need to have their anti-social
selfishness brought under control through training and loving discipline.
Children view themselves as the center of the universe and think everyone
should cater to their feelings. They can't tell the difference between their
feelings and reality. Many Christian thinkers wonder whether modern theory
is suggesting that this is the ideal we should all seek.
- Beneath the shame theories in the secular market is the unproved assumption
that all shame feelings originate from outside myself. Authors like
Bradshaw decry the biblical notion of innate sinfulness as the worst sort
of paternalistic negative conditioning. He is adamant that the shaming voices
within are those of our persons of origin--our parents. But even if this
is true sometimes, how do we know shame isn't also native to the
fallen human condition? When Adam hid under a bush, it wasn't from Eve,
but from God. When we dare to assume powers that are not ours, including
the right to be our own gods, we feel unavoidable hard feelings, especially
when confronted with the true owner of those powers and titles--the God
of the universe. This feeling, so universal and unavoidable, is shame. Why
look only to our outer environment for the source of shame instead of realizing
that much of our shame comes from the inner knowledge that we are sinners?
- According to inner child theorists, the key to release from shame is
entering into my own pain and rage. By finally feeling in a deep way
my own feelings rather than the feelings of my parents, I differentiate
my ego from the ego-mass of my family. But this theory is not proven. Some
people appear to dwell on their pain and rage in a way that is quite destructive.
If we compiled a list of passages in the Bible which teach on the need to
enter more deeply into our suffering and pain and we compared it to a list
of passages teaching on the importance of gratitude, thankfulness and worship,
how would the lists compare? Isn't it true that, according to the Bible,
the emphasis for most people should be on developing appreciation for what
God has done, or will do for us, not dwelling on our misfortunes? At the
risk of being diagnosed as being "in denial" I would point out
that even verses on the role of pain and suffering focus more on how to
endure and respond to pain than on any need to "enter into" it.
Such an emphasis need not imply that Christians should practice denial.
Paul, Christ and others in Scripture acknowledged they felt pain. It is
rather a call to recognize the balance in Scripture, which is heavily weighted
in the direction of our need to resist our native negativity, lack of gratitude
and self-centeredness.
Christians have to think about themselves, just like everyone else. But there is such a
thing as self-absorption in the negative sense, and this is a form of setting our minds on
the things of the flesh. There may be certain people who need to focus on themselves and
their past episodes of abuse for a period of time. The rationale for this is that only
when they reach a greater level of resolution will they be able to leave such things in
the past for good. But for most people most of the time, God wants us to be liberated from
a self-centered focus, and develop a Christ-centered focus.
Ask
Dennis a question or share a comment.
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