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| Greater
Expectations Book Review by Laura Bolian |
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Greater Expectations
(Overcoming the Culture of Indulgence in America's Homes and Schools)
by William Damon
William Damon believes a battle is brewing over the future of our society. On the one side, many dedicated people are working to help our nation’s youth. But on the other side, the problems are only worsening -- violence, criminality, discouragement and self-destructiveness. Poor and rich kids alike are drifting through childhood without finding the skills and virtues they need to sustain a fruitful life. Commonly accepted standards have fallen tremendously and so have children's skills and behaviors.
There are many misconceptions about the nature of children and their developmental needs, which may lead parents to shield their children from the formative challenges of responsibility and reality. Damon’s thoughts are a combination of new ideas and common sense.
He provides numerous statistics and examples of how youth violence, suicide rates, teenage pregnancy, and quieter indicators (behavioral problems such as gambling, petty theft, habitual deceitfulness and irregular sleeping hours) are all on the increase.
Damon studied children from impoverished to middle and upper-class families and found that "as a culture we have come to accept some very dangerous beliefs about raising children -- beliefs that have given us a generation of poorly educated, apathetic, and amoral children" (inside cover). He spends a couple of chapters examining our culture and the many misconceptions associated with child-rearing. In particular, he critiques the overemphasis of self-esteem, the bonding myth, and the hurried-child myth. He also comments on the derogation of spirituality and the child-centered approach to education.
"Sparing children from demanding challenges, and in particular from all expectations of service to others, does them a disservice; because it robs them of opportunities to establish their sense of competence and the sense of social responsibility. It imparts to children exactly the wrong pair of messages: (1) that they are incapable of accomplishing anything and (2) that they are living only for themselves. The first message belies the child's natural endowment of intelligence, hardiness, and energy. The second goes against the grain of what it means to be a fully developed human" (p85).
He also provides a framework of guidance for children's intellectual and moral growth. He discusses elements of respectful engagement between parents and children as well as the authoritative, authoritarian, and permissive parenting styles.
In Chapter 8 he expands on parenting and talks about how difficult it is to parent today. He also discusses discipline and some of the common views today such as power assertion and love withdrawal. He then discusses a third strategy called "informational internalization" or "induction" which is worth reading and considering.
Recommendation: If your goal is to read a "Christian" parenting book, Damon never provides his specific spiritual beliefs. However, there are many biblical principles given throughout the book. This is a challenging and scholarly book which I highly recommend reading. I especially recommend reading Chapter 4: Misconceptions of Modern Times, The Elevation of Self and Derogation of the Spirit. Here he exposes the whole self-esteem movement and shows the need for spiritual growth in children.
