Introduction: There is an overwhelming volume of information
available about parenting on the market today; what can we possibly cover in five weeks?
Our hope in BNG is to look at what is the essence of parenting.
What are the essential attitudes, realities and skills?
What are the irreducible elements of effective parenting?
It starts in our own heart:
- Perspective:
- We need to see the whole life of our child before us, not just today’s behavior and
today’s challenge.
- Many of us come here "beaten up" with guilt or fear; is God at work?
- God never expected us to be perfect – and neither do our children.
"Love covers a multitude of sins."
- Purpose:
- The reason a lot of us loose our way is because we forget where we are going. Both for
ourselves and for our children, we forget what being human is all about.
- Parenting is not just about:
- Breast milk or bottle
- Spanking or not spanking
- Getting them to clean up their rooms
- Making them happy or successful
- It’s about helping them to be fully human: to be men and women of
integrity, purpose and maturity.
- Focus:
- Why don’t the "6 steps" work? When we focus on behavior instead of the
heart of our child, we fail to train their mind and values.
- Techniques and resources for discipline will only be effective when we have reached
their hearts and given them a vision and a hope for maturity.
It is a journey, not just a skill:
- It matters as much where we are headed as where we are today.
- Parenting is a developmental process just like growing up is.
- The choice of direction is ours; our past experiences influence us, they do not define who
we are.
"Until a person can say deeply and honestly, "I am what I am today because of
the choices I made yesterday", that person cannot say, "I choose
otherwise". Stephen R. Covey
It is a community effort not an individual one:
- Human beings were never intended to parent in isolation
- As we move more and more from community to closed family units, we loose perspective.
- Parenting ability and child outcomes have become a measure of self, and issue of pride
and an untouchable subject for outside input.
Theories and Models:
Born Bad? The role of heredity:
Society and its influence:
Parental influence:
The Nature of Children: Value and Fallenness
- Made in the image of God:
- God has love and concern for each child:
Psalm 139:13-16, Mat 18:4-7, 19:13-14.
- Developmental issues related to understanding and behavior:
- Lack of emotional control
- Lack of adult moral distinctions
- Lack of understanding of cause and effect
- Egocentric interpretation of life events
House and foundations model:
- Intrinsic personal and social capabilities:
- How de we find "balance" between supporting the intrinsic value of the child
and combating his or her inherent selfishness?
The Role of Parents: Nurture and Guidance
- Be proactive, not reactive
- Engage, invest and nurture
- Parenting styles and philosophies:
- Authoritative (principled)
"When parents see their children’s problems as opportunities to build the
relationship instead of as negative, burdensome irritations, it totally changes the nature
of the parent-child interaction. Parents become more willing, even excited, about deeply
understanding and helping their children. When a child comes to them with a problem,
instead of thinking, "Oh no! Not another problem! Their paradigm is,
"Here’s a great opportunity for me to really help my child and to invest in our
relationship." Many interactions change from transactional to transformational, and
strong bonds of love and trust are created as children sense the value parents give to
their problems and to them as individuals."
Stephen R. Covey
7 Habits of Highly Effective Families
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